Paper Hearts

Friday, April 5, 2013

You may have noticed that I've been writing a lot recently, using lots of words, expressing feelings, thoughts, ideas, etc. But I'm like, totes getting carpal tunnel from typing all those words, and my shrink was like, "Your brain can't sustain this unhealthy activity. TBH, I would cut back to only typing a real blog post once a month or something. Your followers will survive off of pictures. I once watched a documentary on people who lived off of Pinterest for a month, so it's possible" Or something to that effect. I was too busy ignoring her to save brain space and examining my carpal-tunneled-wrists. So, like, pictures for rainy daze.

Sweater porn for daaaze.

Cuddle up in something groovy and have a lovely, (hopefully) rainy weekend, okay? And don't you worry about me, I'll nurse my addled wits and ailed wrists and be back to writing real stuff...sometime. And by that I mean whenever. But fer now, feast yer eyes on Bob Dylan and Where the Wild Things Are tattoos and the coziest knitwear EVER.

xxx

Tuesday, April 2, 2013

I'll Fass Your Bender

And today is Michael Fassbender's 36th birthday! Is it just like Hot Stars with Accents Week? Because I'm obviously totally down. Let's phone Mr. President and get this made into a national holiday! I'm counting on you.

Look, this is Fassy, right? Even if you've never thought of Ewan McGregor as sexy, you've definitely thought about Fassy once or twice or all the time. So why torture you with words? Let's get to the good stuff.

Okay. A few words. Just because what comes out of his mouth is as lovely as looking at him. Well. Nearly. Objectifying for the win!

"I did [Jane Eyre] because my mother and my sister are really big fans of the book, and I wanted to see what they would think of the Rochester that I would bring to the table. That's the first reason I wanted to do it. I like that the characters are ugly and they're beautiful and they're cruel and they're nurturing. There's so much complexity to the characters, they're so well-written, and I find that interesting. There's ambiguity within the characters, and that's what really attracted me to it, to the performance."

"The problem is, we feel a lot of pressure about looking silly or appearing weak, whatever that means, or being a failure. You have to keep in your head: what's the worst that can happen? I'm trying to tell a story - what's the worst that can happen? You fall flat on your face, then hopefully you get back up again and go for it again and try something else. We're all going to die one day. I'm stealing that off Steve [McQueen]; it's what he'd say when he ordered me to take my clothes off. 'WE'RE ALL GOING TO DIE ONE DAY!'"

[on being nude in films and full frontal nudity] "To be honest with you again, I think it's the idea of male frontal nudity. It just baffles me: Women can parade around naked all the time, but the guy conveniently has his pants on. I remember my mom always complaining about that to me, saying, "This is such bullshit, it's always the women who are naked" ... so I did this one for you, Mom

"I suppose the German side wants to keep everything in control, and the Irish side wants to wreak havoc."

"I have a theory that everyone's crazy anyway. And those who think they aren't, are the ones who are even crazier - because they're in denial."

"...but you keep a realism, put AC/DC on, get over it, keep positive."

Also he plays guitar. Do you have any objections to any of this? I thought not.

This is too adorable to be real. Fassy and McAvoy for the win.

He's a natural ginger. And gorgeous. So...you're sold already, amirite?

Crushable said it bestest: "There must be photos out there of puppies with this exact facial expression." And so there are.

I'm sorry this isn't any bigger, you guys. So sorry.

That is what you think it is. You think it's Fassbender and Gosling, right? Right. You're right. That's right. What sweet, sweet righteousness that is.

He's nice looking as a robot. Speaking of, I haven't seen Prometheus, but I did see the promo spot with his character, and I died. Like full-on Rachel Zoe died.

Ugh, enjoy.

& a vair happy birthday to the Fassbender.

xxx

Monday, April 1, 2013

You-In Muck-Regg-Er

Yesterday was Ewan McGregor's 42nd birthday.
I know! Exciting! Right?
Right?
So here's the deal. Maybe you've never really thought about it before. Ewan McGregor was just that nice man who played Obi Wan Kenobi and was in Moulin Rouge & Big Fish. He's a good actor. He's Scottish, isn't he? That's about all you know.
Well, in (belated) honor of his birthday, I'm going to make you certifiable Ewan McGregor fans. And by certifiable fans, I mean you won't know anything useful about him except some of the films he's been in and that he's adorable and attractive and actually kind of deserves way more attention than, say, Channing Tatum. (I'm not saying I'm impervious to that Tatum jawline, I'm just saying.) He's classy, he's mad talented, he's a family man, he's Scottish, he's smart, he's mischevious - I don't understand how you're not an adoring fan already. But whatever, I forgive you, it's probably not your fault.
Ready to be converted?

Ewan McGregor was in this little movie called Salmon Fishing in the Yemen. Also I need to lay off on the sarcasm, apparently, because as I wrote that, it was all sarcastic in my head. And then I finished and realized there was no punchline, because Salmon Fishing actually was a small movie. Really insanely lovely, though. If you have feelings and maybe a heart and some tear ducts, you'll love it. It's also really funny. Also starring Emily Blunt, who happens to be a massive crush, so buy it, for good measure.

Ohhh, look who it is, the trailer! Obviously you have to watch it, if for no other reason than his accent.
(Not just a link. EMBEDDED. Now don't say I never do anything for you guys!)

Also he was in this film called Beginners, which I desperately want to see, which so should you.

And if you don't love Christopher Plummer, statistics show that you're 100% likely to basically suck. Science!

And he was in The Impossible, which is popular enough that you've probably heard about it. Can we just talk about what a fabulous actor he is? And how adorable those children are? And that's all. I saw it in a movie theater on the Champs-Elysees in Paris, and if you can recreate that exact viewing experience, then you should. Because it's delightful. But if not, that's cool, just watch it already. Aight?

So let's talk the talk. Obviously we'd love him for this quote alone, right?
"I certainly have no plans to leave London. It`s a great town."

But in addition to loving London (like any sane person, but that's besides the point), he's really down to earth. Check this out.

“I was with a friend of mine recently who was dying and while he was lying there with his family around his bed, I just knew that was it, that was the best you can hope for in life - to have your family and the people who love you around you at the end.”

"I am a married man. I haven`t been personally involved with all my leading ladies. It would maybe be somewhat glamorous if I had been, but I have not."

"I hated Clueless (1995) with a passion. I thought it would have been a really good film if someone had blown her head off at the end with a really huge gun. I mean, this rich bitch suddenly becomes charitable and then she`s okay? And then there`s the token black friend. It was so corrupt, so L.A., I hated it." (Does it or does it not tell you how deep I'm in when I let someone change my mind about Clueless?)

"I chose to live in London, and I love it there. But I`m Scottish through and through. It`s a great place, a beautiful land and a beautiful people."

Also he's positive. Tell me you love him already.
“I fight cynicism. It`s too easy. It`s really boring. It`s much harder to be positive and see the wonder of everything. Cynicism is a bunch of people who aren`t as talented as other people, knocking them because they make them feel even more untalented.”
"
Film-making is like a series of problems that need to be solved. And the excitement, the adrenaline that you get from making a small film is that you all have to pull together. You finish and you feel like you`re walking away from your family. I love that."

And he's a smart-ass.

“I`ve got a black woolen hat and it`s got Pervert written across the front of it. It`s the name of the clothing label. And I was with my wife and my baby at the supermarket and I didn`t think. I just put my hat on Clara`s head, because it was cold. And the looks. I couldn`t figure out why I was getting death looks. And then I realized my 10-month old baby`s wearing a hat with the word Pervert written on it and these people were like, `There`s Satan! There`s Satan out with his kid!` And then I made a point of her wearing it every time we went there.”

“I started watching golf for the first time yesterday. I`m really worried about myself. I was actually enjoying it.”

"I`m doing my bit for the women`s movement. The women have always been naked in movies and now I`m just desperate to take my clothes off as much as possible."

"I`ve been naked in almost everything I`ve been in, really. I have it written into my contract."

"Isn`t Halle Berry the most beautiful woman? I have a film I`d like to be in her with. I mean, I`d like to be with her in." - At the 2002 Golden Globe Awards commenting to Melissa Rivers on Halle Berry, who just walked by.

"(My fans) say, `I`ve seen Star Wars and Moulin Rouge!. What else should we try to see you in?` I always tell `em to get The Pillow Book (1996). That would be a bit of an eye-opener for them, wouldn`t it?" (Side note: The Pillow Book is major major sexy times.)

In context, he's talking about the sexy times in movies. "It`s not like I`ll play a carpenter and wear nothing but a tool belt while constructing a dresser. That`s just not safe. "

"Lying down from 50 feet, I was perfect. So I could really kill someone. Which is always good to know (On learning how to use a gun in _Black Hawk Down (2001)_)"

"My dad saw my full package in The Pillow Book (1996) and said `I`m glad to see you inherited one of my major attributes`."

"As a child I was taken to the pantomime or the theatre and I would always, always fall in love with somebody on the stage. And want to have sex with them."

"Then I watched the first episode of Star Wars over and over again. I loved it as a kid. It was a bit funny to be paid for it. I`d say to my wife, "I`ve got to go and watch Star Wars again, Sorry. I just haven`t quite got it...Brilliant."

Also a nerd.

When filming in Star Wars: Episode I - The Phantom Menace (1999), he kept imitating the noise of the lightsaber during his fights. George Lucas explained many times that this would be added in by the special effects people later on. Ewan said "I keep getting carried away.".

On family (he has three girls):

“I got married because I fell in love with this woman. I had a baby with her because we wanted to have children. But that's not because of some philosophical ideal at all, no."

“People are incredibly rude about it sometimes. Like, `What? You`re married?` Strange reaction to have. Proves what people`s ideas about marriage are. `We`re having a baby.` `What?` As if it`s the end of the world. Of course, it`s the start of a brilliant world.”

“No, I`m putting it away, trying to buy a house for my family. The goal is to use the money to move into a big house, so my daughter can have a garden.”

"Clara`s 16 months, and she`s really brilliant. She started talking, half in French and half in English. I don`t speak French near as well as her."

Is very particular about his children being photographed or seen on television.

Refused to have his wife and kids visit him on the set of Black Hawk Down (2001), because he felt the content was too violent and too bloody for them to see.

Ewan, a UNICEF ambassador, adopted a 4-year-old girl from Mongolia, named Jamyan, whom he met while traveling around the world in 2004. (April 2006).

And now, the moment you've all been waiting for!

Pictures & .gifs galore.

All I'm saying is we need to have a animated conversation about those shoes. And then I possibly need them.

And that's all, folks.

xxx

Thursday, March 28, 2013

An Elephant in A Room.

I'm going to try to real blog. Maybe only like one or two or three or four pictures or something (oh man, slippery slope right there), and lots of words. Maybe I'll even only do one picture and even more words! You guys excited? I don't know if you should be, but whatevs, do it anyways. Get stoked. Be like DRAMAAAA! We love it!

Time to talk about the elephant in the room. Or, as Lena Dunham - I mean Hannah Horvath - says, "at least an elephant in a room."
So here we Gogh.

(On a totally unrelated note, how annoyed are you with my bad puns on a scale of "It's whatevs" to "STFU"?)

The nature of the beast is that it's temporary. ^^^That's a beast. Like in case you weren't, like, sure.
The beast is that stage of flirtationship - vaguely friends, vaguely crushes. It's kind of undefinable. But you know what I'm talking about. Amrite or amirite? So you meet someone that has good legs and a sweet sense of humor. Really good legs. You're a little Leslie-Knope-awkward, but you also rock it with Leslie-Knope-level-class.

You work through the stages: Introduction, small talk with enough solid jokes thrown in that you move to the next step; Accquaintanceship (it's a word, guys); and after that, an easy flirtationship/friendship: lunch before class sometimes, study dates, etc.
But just as surely as you've worked your way through the steps, getting more encouraged with each one, something happens. And I don't think it's just me, because when I mention this, everyone knows what I'm talking about. It's nothing especially, you just find a nasty sort of ennui slipping in. It takes more to make him laugh, and you yourself are finding him less funny as you remain in perpetual vague friendship. The stagnation is so uneasy. It's like subconsciously you both understand that this stage is pre- something, anything, even if you can't quite vocalize it. At this point of frustration, you'd give up a potential romance if you guys could just be real friends. Because this stage has to go somewhere or it'll go backwards. And like, yeah, of course you still want to date him! He's still sweet, still has those rockin stems on him, still absurdly attractive. Did I mention he has great legs? Once or twice? But the ennui's hitting him too, and what was easy becomes strained, awkward, and you have no bloody idea how to get out of it and make any progress at all.

(Look, if Jennifer Lawrence doesn't know what to do, then screw it. We mortals don't stand a chance.)

You no longer have any freaking idea what's happening. It's all very He Loves Me, He Loves Me Not. (Not the Audrey Tatou movie, though. That stuff's mental.)
It's unstable stuff. If you're in it a second longer than you should be, it becomes radioactive. Did the Imagine Dragons song just pop into your head? Yeah, me too. Sorry about that. The word might not even be radioactive. Retroactive, maybe? Googling "retroactive definition" is not helping. GOOGLE. Y U NO HELP? Look. The point is that the nature of the beast is that it's temporary, and so if you're in it too long, you began to slip back into Accquaintanceship. You just peter off, and in college, awkwardly crawl back into your little "not-quite not-quite friends" thing as the semester drags to an excruciating close. You still sit by each other, but only because it would be awkward and say too much to not any longer. It would be admitting that there was something, some spark, and now there's not. And we're just not invested or mature enough to admit that, amirite? And you still politely ask each other how your weekend was, etc., but that's just it. It's out of politeness. It's not out of any real interest, or out of any hope that you'll be part of the next weekend's plans, you know? And as soon as the class is done, FIN. The curtain closes and there's maybe a smattering of polite applause. You might like each other's statuses every once in a while, but that's it, besides being mocked by the ghost of what-could-have-been.
And you hang out in this kind-of-occasionally-mildly-depressed-about-it-thing (Guys, using really clinical and correct terms esta noche) for a while.

But then you convince yourself he was far too conservative/liberal/serious/goofy/uncultured/cultured for it to have really worked out anyways. Like you'd have been like "THAT NEW STROKES ALBUM." And he'd be like, "What about it?" And you'd be like, "Um, it's amazing?" and then it would just be like,

Or, you know, think of a situation that actually relates and isn't just some weird extension of my #firstworldhipsterproblems. You know? He wouldn't want to go to the museum or he WOULD but he'd want to analyze Rothko and you'd just be like IT'S COOL BUT DO WE REALLY HAVE TO TALK ABOUT IT? Or you'd be talking about equal marriage rights and he'd joke, "Adam and Eve, babe, not Adam and Steve." And you'd be like REALLY? THAT'S WHAT YOU HAVE TO SAY?

So you convince yourself that it was, like, sooo not gonna work out anyways. And after you have accordingly comforted yourself, and are feeling solid, you're going to remind yourself that, you know, they probably just weren't that into you (and yeah, this time I am referencing the movie, because it's a vaguely accurate rom-com with Ginnifer Goodwin, and you know what, I like her hair lots, so consider the reference made.) You know how I said you were feeling comforted, solid in your position of "yeah, it would never have worked out anyways, so nbd."? Whatever. Considering that they were probably not that into you anyways: gonna make you feel REALLY AWESOME. I mean, like insanely awesome. Like you're gonna feel THIS good.

That's right, it sucks a latte. (Somehow I'm obsessed with that pun even when it makes zero sense. Maybe if I inserted a picture of an actual latte? But I've gotta resist the urge to fall back on pictures as usual. Fight it.

Ugh, I didn't fight it. Moving on.

And then you remember that like, what kind of logic is that? YOU liked HIM a lot(te) and still let it get weird. So couldn't he have liked you that much? What was true for you could totally be true for him, right? OMG, IT TOTALLY WAS. HE TOTALLY LIKED YOU.

And then reality is like, sugar. Even if he did, it's kind of pointless now? Once you fall from flirtationshipfriendshipish to Accquaintanceship, you can't get back to and beyond flirtationshipfriendshipish. Impossible. And don't listen to that Audrey Hepburn stuff. As gorgeous and excellent as the lady was, "I'm possible!" is not what the word means in this case. Accept it. Embrace it. Move on.

Maybe shouldn't border on sacrilegious by abusing an Audrey quote like that, huh?

You slowly level out to mild nostalgia for what never was. The ghost of what could have been no longer mocks you on the reg, it just kind of floats by pityingly when you're having a bad hair day and bombed a test. Hang out in this saddish little level until you meet someone with great hair and a dorky laugh. Did I mention he has great hair?

Rinse & Repeat.

xxx

A couple of notes, and I'm wondering if you guys have answers:

When you do things this way (aka always), do you ever really let all the way go?

And does "sad spiral" of Almost-to-Impossible build on "sad spiral" until you just eventually become actually sad? Because I think I'm a little bit afraid of that being the case. Do you think it is? Are ghosts of what-could-have-been just as detrimental as ghosts-of-christmas-past, or not?

I don't have answers. Thoughts?

Also thoughts on the whole actual-blogging-things-about-real-life thing? Working, not working...throw all the ghastly insults and gorgeous compliments you can think of at me, you beauts.